Sacrifices
by pruedence110588
Summary: New Moon from Edward's point of view
1. Dream

After having read Alphie's wonderful fic, "the lion and the lamb", I was inspired to write my own. I decided to start writing the beginning of New Moon from Edward's point of view. I thought it would be very interesting to explore exactly what was going through his mind those first few chapters. I don't know if I'll do the rest of New Moon from his POV, because he wasn't with Bella for most of it, and let's face it, the best parts are when they are together.

All of the characters belong solely to Stephenie Meyer, as well as most of the dialogue. I do not take credit for these.

Have you ever had a strange dream, and then woke up and found that something that was really happening had put itself in your dream (like music, or people talking around you, etc.)? Well, I decided that maybe some of Bella's dream from the first chapter of New Moon really were happening. This section is only that dream sequence from Edward's POV, so it's really short. Please read and review if you like it...or even if you don't like it.

I sat in the aged, wooden rocking chair in the corner of the room and watched Bella's slow breaths flow in and out, her chest rising and falling in a steady rythm. Charlie trudged up the staircase, and I slid the closet door closed just in time to hear him quietly open the bedroom door to check on his daughter. As the tires of the cruiser pulled out of the drive, I stepped toward the window, about to head home. Suddenly, I heard Bella's voice and paused.

"Gran?" she said in bewilderment. I stood very still, listening intently; it was unusual for Bella to be dreaming at this time of the morning. Usually she talked early in the night, and then fell into a deep, dreamless sleep sometime after about three in the morning.

The faint smile on her lips faded, and she became very restless, turning over and mumbling. "No, Edward, go back. Hide Edward!" I was instantly anxious at the troubled tone in her voice. In an attempt to calm her, I gently lie down beside her and wrapped my arm around her waist. In a moment her pulse slowed, and I glanced at the green numbers on her alarm clock; she would be waking soon, and I needed to get ready for school. Moving very carefully so as not to disturb her, I slid her arm, which had instinctively twined around me, off my own waist and slipped silently out the window.

I raced homeward--I had stayed at Bella's house a bit longer than I usually did--thankful that I wasn't meant to pick her up today;she would have been dissapointed if I had been late. In my room I found a fresh shirt to change into, and turned on my stereo system, relaxing into the black sofa while the enchanting sounds of a piano and violin floated through the room.

A light tap came at my door, and Alice poked her dainty, elf-like face in. "Are you ready to go?" As we walked out to the volvo, I enjoyed the quiet. Life had become much more peaceful since the others had left; for one there was much less arguing, not so much debate on the Bella issue, and I no longer had to put up with Rosalie's attitude all the time. I glanced down at Alice, and noticed she was carrying a tiny silver package.

"Bella will not be pleased," I mumbled.

"Oh, why shouldn't she be; you don't think she actually meant what she said about not wanting any presents on her birthday?"

"Well, the party you have planned for tonight is already going to put her into a coniption, you don't need to get her all riled up first thing in the morning." I looked at her pointedly. "She was having a nightmare or something this morning, so she's already going to be stressed out."

Alice continued stubbornly, "Then a gift is the perfect way to cheer her up." I just rolled my eyes and started the car, speeding down the long driveway toward Forks High School.


	2. School in Forks

I stood leaning against my car in the school parking lot with Alice as we waited for Bella to arrive. Finally, the delapidated pick-up pulled up, and Bella Swan, my angel, stepped out. I still couldn't understand why she so vehemently refused my offers to buy her a brand-new Audi.

She had demanded that no one pay her any extra attention or buy her gifts on this, her eighteenth birthday. So of course, she took one look at the small silver package in Alice's hands, and rearranged the smile that had been on her face an instant ago into a scowl, and slammed the door of her truck for good measure in case Alice had missed it. I would have smirked at her stubbornness, but didn't want to upset her any further than she already was. Alice, unnaffected, danced happily over to meet Bella and wish her a happy birthday. I held back another chuckle as Bella shushed Alice and scolded her for the attention.

As they approached me, I extended my hand to Bella, already impatiently craving her warm, life-giving touch. Her heart jumped at the contact, and I revelled in all the wonderfully human charactreristics of her--her warmth, her heartbeat, her expressions--and marvelled at all the things that made her so unique, even among her own kind.

I reached up to carerss her soft, heart-shaped face. "So, as discussed, I am not allowed to wish you a happy birthday, is that correct?"

"Yes, that is correct," she answered akwardly.

"Just checking. You _might _have changed your mind. Most people seem to enjoy things like birthdays and gifts." Of course, Bella was not 'most people.' She was far better than most paople--more beautiful, interesting, and at times absurdly unreasonable.

Alice giggled. "Of course you'll enjoy it. Everyone is supposed to be nice to you today and give you your way, Bella. What's the worst that could happen?" Alice joked.

Bella surprised me once again by answering her. "Getting older." So, that was what all this was about? She was upset about her birthday because she was mortal? I couldn't possibly comprehend how she could be so upset about such a happy, human experience, how she could still want so badly to give all that up for an eternity of damnation.

"Eighteen isn't very old," Alice replied, "don't women usually wait till they're twenty-nine to get upset over birthdays?"

"It's older than Edward," Bella complained.

"Technically. Just by one little year though," Alice tried to reason with her.

We walked toward the school in silence for a moment, before Alice spoke again. "What time will you be at the house?" Of course, in true Bella fashion, she had to argue the point.

"I didn't know I had plans to be there."

"Oh, be fair Bella! You aren't going to ruin all our fun like that, are you?"

Again, Bella had an answer, "I thought my birthday was about what I want."

That was another reason I was so amazed by her...she never gave in without a fight, even if she knew from the start she wouldn't win. I decided to step in before they went any farther.

"I'll get her from Charlie's right after school."

"I have to work," she said triumphantly. She thought she had won this argument, but Alice was already two steps ahead of her.

"You don't, actually. I already spoke to Mrs. Newton about it. She's trading you shifts. She said to tell you 'Happy Birthday'."

Bella's confident face fell and she looked around nervously like a timid animal that had been cornered. I could tell she was racking her brains for another way out of Alice's plans. I rolled my eyes impatiently as the two girls argued about the finer points of each cinema version of Romeo and Juliet. Alice was getting frustrated, not an easy thing for her.

_If she is going to be this difficult, I'll just have to go to her house and forcibly... _Alice's mind threathened.

I decided I had better intervene before Alice went to any rash decisions. "Relax, Alice. If Bella wants to watch a movie, then she can. It's her Birthday."

Assuming I was taking soley her side in the matter, Bella looked smugly over at Alice and gave her a, "So there." I was reminded of a five-year-old having a temper tantrum, and could almost see Bella sticking her tongue out. I had to grin.

"I'll bring her over around seven," I added to Alice. "That will give you more time to set up." If they couldn't agree, I'd compromise _for_ them. Alice, at any rate, seemed absolutely thrilled by the idea, and gave Bella a quick peck on the cheek before vanishing around the cafeteria.

Once Alice had gone, Bella turned to me in a last-ditch attempt to change my mind. "Edward, please--" she complained, but I stopped her mid-sentence, touching my finger to her warm, full lips.

"Let's discuss it later," I suggested. "We're going to be late for class."

The morning passed without incident, although Bella kept up a cross between a scowl and a bit of a pout through our first class. I had to admit, she was even cuter and more irresistable when she was angry, especially when it caused her to flush all the way up to her ears, the lovely pink tinge of blood beneath her ivory skin slightly darker across her elogant cheek bones.

By lunch, she seemed to have calmed, though. As such, I wasn't about to mention her birthday again. Once, Alice opened her mouth, about to attempt to reason Bella into just coming over to our house earlier, but I shot her a warning glance and bared my teeth. She quickly closed her mouth again and looked down at her tray of untouched food, pretending to study her fruit cocktail mix. I knew Bella too well to allow that...it would just unnessecarily raise again the matter of her mortality, a topic I was not going to discuss today, or any day, if I had any say on the subject.

Alice looked up across the table and caught my eye. _You know Bella is not going to willingly drive herself over to the house this evening._

Knowing she was right, I would just have to accompany Bella home, to make sure she made it there on time.

Alice had of course seen the plan as soon as I had made this decision, and added, _I'll take the volvo home._ I nodded inconspicuously at her, and answered the question Bella had just asked about her history homework.

After school, I walked out toward Bella's old Chevy, and held open the passenger's side door for her in a polite gesture. She glanced to the empty space where Alice and I had parked this morning, and scowled. It always amazed me how quickly she was able to see through my every guise. She crossed her arms and proceeded with her usual objections.

"It's my birthday, don't I get to drive?"

An easy argument to counter; "I'm pretending it's not your birthday, just as you wished."

She jumped to the next point, barely missing a beat, as if she had already planned the whole conversation. "If it's not my birthday, then I don't have to go to your house tonight..."

I could hardly restrain the grin that was trying to spread across my face. "All right." I walked briskly to the other side of her car to hold the door open for her. "Happy birthday." I could have laughed at the frustrated glare she sent my way. She was so alluring when she was cross. Reluctantly, she got into the driver's seat, and we pulled slowly out of the school lot.


	3. To Bella's House

During school, Alice had informed me throught the medium of her thoughts that Emmett and Rosalie would be arriving home today from their vacation in Africa. So much for my peace and quiet. But Emmett would never miss a chance to affectionately poke fun at Bella. According to Alice's sources, which were a bit more accurate than your average hunch, they were planning to give Bella a new stereo system for her, um --antiquated-- pick-up.

Bella was always touchy when it came to her truck, but I couldn't resist, nonetheless. I fiddled with the dials on the dash, and worked to put a false tone of disapproval in my voice. "Your radio has horrible reception," I complained.

Just as I was hoping, she jumped quickly to the usual defensive tone she used whenever I mentioned the short-comings of the vehicle. "You want a nice stereo? Drive your own car." I tried my best not to give away my charade, but my tight lips turned up at the corners despite the effort.I leaned back in my seat, looking over at Bella's beautiful face from time to time. Sometimes I watched the road; after all, human reflexes were only sub-standard, especially when compared to my own.

I was a bit worried that Bella would be upset about the new stereo. Her happiness was all I hoped to achieve in this life, however, she seemed rediculously proud of her "classic" Chevy, as she put it.

When we finally arrived in her driveway, Bella cut the deafening engine. I turned to her and delicately held her face in my hands.

"You should be in a good mood, today of all days," I said softly. Her pulse quickened slightly at my touch.

"And if I don't want to be in a good mood?" she argued unreasonably. It just didn't make sense...who would purposely make a point of being unhappy? I was not going to let her make that rediculous argument.

"Too bad," I answered her. I bent my face toward hers, to her warm, full lips. I kissed her, gently, as always, delighting when the sound of her beating heart accelerated sporadically in my ears. Too soon though, she threw her arms around the back of my neck and hungrily searched my lips with her own. I was forced to withdraw from her clutches, much as I regretted having to do so, if only to protect her, once more, from myself.

"Be good please," I whispered to her cheek, before softly kissing her luscious lips once more. Freeing her hands, which I had still held in my own, I sat back again.

She lifted her delicate hand to her chest. "Do you think I'll ever get better at this? That my heart might someday stop trying to jump out ofmy chest whenever you touch me?" she murmered.

I thought about that possibility: to reach for her, and not hear the skipped beat of her heart, to not feel her pulse race, or her breathing come in gasps when we kissed. Without the ability to tell what she was thinking through the medium of her mind, these physiological clues were the only gaurentee I had that the words she spoke were true, that she really did love me. And it was true, she did love me. I smiled ever so slightly.

"I really hope not," I answered her.

She rolled her eyes at me in disagreement. Anything that emphasized her mortality she saw as a shortcoming, a flaw, in herself. She just can't see it; how all those weaknesses make her that much more precious. To live forever means that most everything loses its importance. Why would it matter if you see the ocean for the first time, if you have an eternity to get to it? But to be mortal, every detail means the world. You only get one chance on this earth, so it is vital to take in as much as possible.

Bella's voice pulled me out of my reverie. "Let's go watch the Capulets and the Montagues hack each other up, all right?" she joked. I swear, sometimes she had a bit of a warped sense of humor.

"Your wish, my command." I patted my chest as I said it, and flashed her my best smile.

I stepped out of the truck and sprinted quickly to open her door for her. After offering my hand to help her out, I didn't release it. Instead, I carefully laced my fingers through hers, and brought them up to my mouth to kiss the back of her hand before tugging her toward the house.

Once in the tiny living room, I made myself comfortable on the sofa while occupying myself with watching Bella remove the casette from its case and push it into the VCR. I propped my head up on one of my slbows and waited for her to adjust the film to where she wanted it.

When she finally came to sit in front of me I promptly made to close the small distance between us by sliding her back against my chest. The heat of her body against mine reminded me once more of her frailty, and I swiped the crocheted throw from the couch back to put between us. I t smelled musty to my extra-sensitive senses. It must have been quite old. Well...in a human sense, but not old compared to me.

The film began with overly dramatic music, while a voice-over started the story. "Two houses, both alike in dignity..." It continued to drone on. I had heard the story, read it, seen it performed so many times, it was almost aggravating. I didn't need to pay the television any attention.

"You know, I've never had much patience with Romeo," I said conversationally.

Bella turned her head slightly in my direction with a look somewhere between confusion and outrage as she replied. "What's wrong with Romeo?"

Oh, boy, where did I begin on that one? I mean, the guy got practically nothing right! I took a deep breath to begin rambling off a list of his faults, only barely bothering to remind myself that the extra air was not necessary. "Well, first of all, he's in love with this Rosaline -- don't you think it makes him seem a little fickle? And then, a few minutes after their wedding, he kills Juliet's cousin. That's not very brilliant. Mistake after mistake. Could he have destroyed his own happiness any more thoroughly?"

This last statement brought back to me the thought I had ahd earlier about Bella purposely trying to be depressed. Maybe it was me. If more than one human would strive for misery, maybe I was the one who was a bit off. At this thought I had to frown. _Well, of course you're a bit off. After all, you do hear voices in you head, _I reminded myself.

Bella gave a slightly aggravated sigh, and said, "Do you want me to watch this alone?"

I relaxed a bit, and a soft grin traced my lips. "No, I'll mostly be watching you, anyway." I felt a roughness, and a soft touch of hair, and realized I had been absentmindedly trailing my hand up and down her arm. Tiny bumps had appeared down her arm. A thought crossed my mind rather randomly, and I decided to voice it. "Will you cry?" I asked her tentatively. I had expected her her to turn to me with a questioning look on her features, wondering why I would ask such a strange question. I supposed it _**was**_ a strange question. It was just that I hadn't cried myself in over a hundred years. I could barely remember what it felt like to cry: that hot, burning feeling that warmed the face and caused the eyes to sting. To see someone else cry, whether in pain, or emotional hurt or passion, was a small reminder of what it had been like to be human.

But for once, Bella's constant curiosity did not seem to be piqued. She surprised by answering almost immediately, though her eyes didn't leave the television screen. "Probably, if I'm paying attention." I supposed I should stop bothering to even try to predict what she would do or say each day, she always took me off guard anyway. But if I did stop trying to interpret her every move, I would cease to be amazed every time, which, if I was honest with myself, was most of the pleasure in it.

I kissed the back of her head tenderly, the scent of freesia mingling softly with that of her strawberry shampoo, and spoke in her ear. "I won't distact you then," I promised.


	4. Romeo

**Since I haven't done one in a few chapters, DISCLAIMER: I don't own Twilight, Stephenie Meyer does. The characters presented in this fanfiction were created by her, as was the dialogue, I am merely borrowing them to embelish on them for mine and others amusement. As this site is called FANfiction though, I'm sure everyone already knows this, so I will not be putting another disclaimer on any of my new chapters.**

**A/N: **Thank you so much to all my reviewers, especially my repeat reviewers, VampireSithLordDarthTryphin..., magical-moi, and La tua Cantante101. And of course my other repeat reviewer, my best friend and sister, Bridgewater1989. Now for the next chapter!

Back in the early twentieth century, much more emphasis was put on the importance of literature. Poetry, drama, epic tales of ancient heroes were all well-known and cherished pieces. As such, and with having been through high school nearly a dozen times, I practically knew Romeo and Juliet like the back of my hand.

As I lounged comfortably on the usually Charlie-frequented sofa, Bella snuggled close to my chest, I quietly recited my favorite of Romes's lines into her ear, making the chocolate hair that draped there flutter slightly in my breath.

As Romeo caught a first glimpse of Juliet over the dancing heads of Capulet's guests and exclaimed, I matched his pace, whispering:

"Oh she doth teach the torches to burn bright!

It seems she hangs upon the cheek of night

As a rich jewel in an Ethiop's ear--

Beauty too rich for use, for earth too dear:

So shows a snowy dove, trooping with crows

As yonder lady o'er her fellows shows.

...Did my heart love till now? Forswear it sight!

For I ne'er saw true beauty till this night."

I felt a slight shiver ripple down Bella's spine, and a smile of satisfaction reached my lips.

The masquerade ball passed, and, after evading his persistant friends, Romeo hopped the Capulet orchard wall and spoke to himself in the darkness.

"But soft, what light through yonder window breaks?

It is the east, and Juliet is the sun.

Arise, fair sun, and kill the envious moon,

Who is already sick and pale with grief

that thou, her maid, are far more fair than she."

Though the iconic 'balcony scene' continued, my mind strayed with these lines. Bella was the first human I had ever told my family secret. She was the only mortal with whom I had openly shared a sunlit afternoon in my beloved meadow, my skin scattering rainbow shards of light across her face. A face that did not fill with fear at the sight of me, but rather with awe and affection. For eighty-five years I had been forced to live a life of semi-darkness in order to preserve my secret, but with Bella, I was free to feel the sun on my face with someone other than my family members, to be able to enjoy the silence only gained when others' thoughts are quieted to my ears by distance. You would be surprised how very distracting it is to always hear everything, to never be completely alone in one's own mind. Bella gave me all this. She was my Juliet, my sun.

I shook myself from my reverie and resumed my murmering endearments. When at last the end had neared, and the two lovers' fates had been disappointingly sealed, I peered up into Bella's face to see a shimmering sphere rolling down her cheek. Taking the very tress that had fluttered by her ear, and using it to gently brush the tear from her chin, I commented on the present scene, breaking into Bella's half-trance.

"I'll admit, I do sort of envy him here."

Still partly absorbed in the film, she absent-mindedly replied, "She's very pretty."

I had to snort. As if an actress from a forty-year-old film had anything on her allure. "I don't envy him the _girl_--just the ease of the suicide." I worked to put a joking to in my voice as I continued so that she wouldn't realize the seriousness with which I approached the subject. "You humans have it so easy! All you have to do is throw down one tiny vial of plant extracts..." I trailed off, indicating the television screen with a hand gesture. I simply had meant to mention it in passing, but Bella suddenly looked very distressed.

"What?" She very nearly shreeked.

"It's something I had to think about once, and I knew from Carlisle's experience that it wouldn't be simple. I'm not even sure how many ways Carlisle tried to kill himself in the beginning..." I had gone through several possibilities last spring while I had barreled half way across the country, dreading what I might find when I reached Phoenix. Jumping off a cliff wouldn't do, and since it was unneccesary to breathe, drowning was out as well. Carlisle had already tested both those theories... "...after he realized what he'd become..." I completed both my spoken sentence and my unfinished thought.

I could see Bella's brow furrow at my tone, so I tried to turn my bitter memories into a joke, for her sake. "And he's clearly still in excellent health."

Apparently my attempts at nonchalance were unsuccessful, because Bella turned to me with a scowl. "What are you talking about? What do you mean, this something you had to think about once?" Her voice was full of disapproval and outrage.

I tried to explain without letting on how very difficult it was to do so, my voice faltering half way through. "Last spring, when you were...nearly killed..." I had to stop, to force the image that involuntarily intruded my thoughts back out of my mind. The image of her limp, bloodied body slumped against the mirrored wall, her leg twisted at an odd angle. I took a deep breath to calm myself and continued in a brighter tone. "Of course I was trying to focus on finding you alive, but part of my mind was making contingency plans. Like I said, it's not as easy fo me as it is for a human."

It is quite easy to find part of your mind wandering elsewhere, if, like me, you constantly have to deal with hearing the thoughts of others as well as your own. As with any other adaptation to adversity, it was as if my mind had split itself into two parts in order to be able to process all the information. I peered over at Bella slyly. Her forehead was puckered as if she were in deep thought, or revisiting either painful or vague memories.


End file.
